The good news is that you can usually tell if guy messaged you because of your pics or your profile. The message gives it away. This isn’t about getting more attention from those guys. They suck, and you should avoid them like the plague. I want to talk about the guys you want to meet, the ones who would want to get to know you because of your words, not just your pics. If you’re a guy and you’ve stumbled upon this article, it isn’t for you. I wrote a whole other one about how you are screwing up your pics. This is just for women.
Bad Cropping: A Major Online Dating Photo Mistake
One of the quickest ways to kill a good photo is with bad cropping. It can take the focus off you and even make you look like you weigh more than you do in real life. Both of these issues can be exactly the excuse that a male swiper needs to swipe left when they should be swiping right.
Focus:
There are two kinds of acceptable photos when it comes to dating profiles. Photos with just you, and group shots that include you. It’s always a good idea to have one or two group shots in a profile. They show that you have a social life.
With that said, I’ve had plenty of people ask me about covering up or cropping out the other people in the pics because they aren’t sure if they would want to be in them. Honestly, you are better off leaving them in. I’ve only seen people get mad about being in profile pics of a friend or family member for a few reasons. So, if they aren’t in witness protection, have active warrants out for their arrest, and you aren’t trying to pass yourself off as them in your profile, it is rarely a big deal.
The main reason you want to include them is that cropped photos look like something is missing. Even when you use Photoshop or AI to remove someone from a photo, your body language still tells the viewer that someone was there. The best-case scenario is that the photo just feels a bit “off.” The worst-case scenario is that the viewer is now more focused on who you removed and why than they are on you.
*The big exception to group shots is when it comes to minors. You should never include children in your photos. It doesn’t matter if they are your kids or not. It is just a safety thing. This doesn’t mean you should cover their faces or crop them out. Just don’t use the photo.*
Phantom weight:
Aside from the fact that people don’t trust profiles with at least one full-body shot, tightly cropped photos create phantom weight. If you crop the photo more than halfway up your torso (chest or higher), it leads the viewer to complete the rest of the picture with their imagination. And, let’s be honest. When it comes to dating profiles, the imagination specializes in worst-case scenarios. It is not uncommon for photos cropped at the chest or higher to give the impression that the person in the pic is 20-40 lbs heavier than they are in real life.
I’m not saying don’t crop your photos at all. You need to optimize for the fact that apps want all of your photos in portrait mode, and you need to be a big enough part of the pic that people can see you. But photos only featuring your face, or only featuring you from the chest up, are not helping you. Waist-up is the tightest shot you should have in your profile.
Too Many Selfies in Your Dating Profile
A typical profile should have around six photos. Hinge requires six. With all others, fewer than four, people won’t trust you as much. Meanwhile, more than seven will leave people feeling like you could be a narcissist. In a set of six photos, it is fine to have a couple of selfies, but you don’t want to overdo it.
When you post a profile that is all, or mostly, selfies, it sends a couple of very particular messages. On one hand, it makes you look like you don’t have a life or any friends. On the other hand, it makes you look like someone who takes a lot of photos of themselves. That brings us back to the big word we used a couple of minutes ago… Narcissist. When a guy looks at your profile and all they see are a bunch of selfies, one of the first thoughts that goes through their head is, “How could I ever like this woman as much as she already loves herself?”
Where’s Waldo? When Group Photos Make Your Profile Hard to Read
Earlier, we talked about having a couple of group shots in your profile. They show people you lead a full and vibrant life. However, balance is important. If you have too many group shots, or your group shots are so big that you are hard to spot in them, it is time to change things up.
I get frequent complaints from male online daters about profiles where every photo is a woman and her friend. They can’t figure out which one is the person with the profile, so they just assume it is the one they find less attractive, and they move on. Likewise, when your group shots are so big that you’d need a magnifying glass to spot yourself, they are useless.
The fixes to these problems are simple. Your primary photo needs to be a solo shot. There is no exception to this rule. It lets people know who you are immediately. After that, limit your group shots to no more than ⅓ of your pics. If you have six photos, two can be group shots. Lastly, make sure you are easy to spot in every photo you post. Don’t make people have to work to spot you. It’s not a game anyone is interested in playing.
Missing Persons: Photos Without You Don’t Belong in a Dating Profile
This is your dating profile. It’s not your Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest. It doesn’t matter what kind of mood a photo sets, or if it is of a place you love, or even if it is a pic of your dog. If you are not in the photo, the photo doesn’t belong in your dating profile. This includes a photo of your feet while you’re sitting on the beach, with the waves in the distance. Your face needs to be in every photo you include in your dating profile. Photos that don’t feature you frustrate and annoy the people looking at them. Just don’t do it.
Too Much Variation Between Pics (Keep Your Dating Photos Accurate)
One of the two most important objective factors men consider when looking at your pics is accuracy. I didn’t say attractiveness because that’s subjective. Different guys are attracted to different types of women. If you try to play to the broadest crowd, you lose what makes you special, individual, and attractive to the kind of guy who is looking for you. So, let’s get back to accuracy.
I got a new phone over the weekend and I realized that my icloud account was full. So I sat down, and spent way too long going through close to 20,000 photos that have been building up on my account since 2015. One of the things I noticed was how different I looked then compared to how I look now. It isn’t the kind of thing I really notice when I look in the mirror (other than a little more grey in the beard and a little less coverage up top…), but if you look at 2015 me, 2020 me, and 2025 me, we are all distinctively different.
If you were looking at my dating profile, how much would you care about 2020 me? You wouldn’t because that’s not the guy you’re going to be dating. Guys feel the same way. They want to see what you look like now. The problem is, a lot of people don’t have enough recent photos to fill out a profile. Or, they at least don’t have enough recent photos they like. But, posting photos from across the years is not the answer.
There are three thoughts that run through a guy’s mind when he meets you for the first time:
- Wow, she looks even better than her pics!
- Thank God, she looks like her pics.
- Hmm, she looks different than her pics…
If you get #s 1 or 2, you’re in good shape. I you get #3, you are sunk.
The funny thing is, it doesn’t even matter if your most recent pics look the best. Humans are hardwired to plan for a worst-case-scenario. Whichever photo you post that looks the worst, that’s the one the guy is going to assume is the most accurate.
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Taking photos for your dating profile is one of the most stressful aspects of online dating. That’s why so many people have bad pics. They just go through their phones and pic the ones that look the most acceptable. But, your profile pics are the bouncer at the door of your profile. They aren’t going to create a connection between you and a guy (the profile does that), but they are going to be deciding factor as to whether or not the guy takes the time to read your profile. And yes, I know there is a big assumption that guys just look at the pics, but the men who are serious about meeting someone for a real relationship take the time to read what you have to say.
If you can avoid these mistakes, your profile is going to have a much better chance of helping you meet the person you are looking for. Suppose you aren’t sure whether your pics are making a great first impression. In that case, we include a review of your profile photos in every one of our profile writing services, as well as with our complimentary dating profile assessment. If you have any questions about online dating, you can always call me at 888-447-7634, or send me a message here.
