Navigating the online dating world – is dating someone with different political views possible?
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 9 months, you know we are in the middle of the 2024 US Presidential Election season. You may be asking yourself, “is dating someone with different political views possible?” You may have also noticed that it feels like Americans have never been further apart from each other than they are right now. I’ve been writing dating profiles for twenty years and politics has always been a hot button when it comes to dating, but I can’t deny that your voting choices aren’t just going to have an impact on the ballot box this November. They are having an impact on the online dating success of millions of singles around America today!
As I’m writing this, Joe Biden and Donald Trump are getting ready for their first debate, and most national polls show that the race between them is closer than ever. It doesn’t take much scrolling on social media before you get inundated by people on both sides, talking about how the country is going to end if their guy doesn’t get elected. Maybe one of them is right, maybe both of them are right, but probably neither of them is right. All that matters is that no matter what goes on in the world of politics, the rest of us still have to live our lives. That includes finding people to share them.
That is why I wanted to take a few minutes to write about a different way to consider politics when it comes to online dating and a few tips on how to navigate the increasingly divided landscape without throwing up your hands in frustration and quitting until after November 5th.
How to navigate online dating during the politics of the 2024 election
Politics comes up in around 80% of the conversations I have with clients. It feels like people mainly fall into four camps.
1. The Right
2. The Left
3. The people who lean in one direction and keep up with the news, but don’t let it consume them
4. The people who are sick of both sides and don’t want to talk about it.
If you’re deeply entrenched in either 1 or 2, this next part might be a challenge, but stick with me for a few more minutes. You don’t have to have identical political views with your partner to have a happy and loving relationship. Sure, we all have ideological lines that we can’t cross. It happens a lot with religion and with politics. I’m not saying you should force yourself to date people who proudly stand against everything you believe in. I’m saying, that for most people, there is a lot of gray area where you can create a loving and happy relationship. The key is not to hide that part of yourself, but to respect each other, and to be willing to discuss things with an open mind. A big part of a healthy relationship is learning from each other and growing together. If you aren’t willing to do that, any relationship will be hard to maintain for a long time.
My favorite example of two people who aren’t politically the same finding happiness together is the story of James Carville and Mary Matalin. In 1992, Bill Clinton was running for president of the USA. Helping run his campaign with a man named James Carville. In that election, Clinton was going up against George HW Bush, the incumbent President. One of the sharpest minds advising him on his campaign was a woman named Mary Matalin. You can’t get much further apart than running opposing presidential campaigns. But, somehow, in the middle of it all, the two of them fell in love, and they are still together to this day. If they figured it out, any of us can do it. The key is communication, listening without judging, and being open to different perspectives. It doesn’t mean you have to give up what you believe, but there’s a good chance that most of the black-and-white issues you hold onto have more gray in them than you realize.
Don’t search by politics on dating apps
One of the best things about dating apps is that they allow you to filter out the people you don’t want to meet. However, not all filters are created equal. The politics filter can be especially problematic for a few reasons.
- Some people aren’t honest about their political leanings – In a survey released after the last election, 64% of Americans admitted to lying about their political beliefs to make social interactions easier. Additionally, it is not uncommon for people to list themselves on dating apps as another political affiliation because of the type of person they think it will attract.
- Some people don’t understand political terminology as well as they think they do. For example, many people call themselves liberal when their beliefs are more in line with classical liberalism. They both have liberal in the name, but they are very different ideologies.
- Many people do not list their political affiliations – For many singles, the idea of talking politics sounds about as fun as ramming their head against a wall. As a result, many of them have chosen to opt out of listing their political affiliation on their dating account. If you are searching by politics, you could be missing out on a lot of great people who agree with you on most things but don’t want to make it the main topic of conversation.
Political red flags to watch out for in dating profiles
It is one thing for someone to talk about causes they are passionate about, especially ones that they are involved in, but it is entirely another thing when you see political exclamations in dating profiles. This can be tricky. Seeing someone with a profile that makes political exclamations you agree with can make it feel like you’ve found someone you can be safe with. The problem isn’t the idea they are making the exclamation about, it is the fact that they are making them. Here are some of the most common political exclamations popping up on dating apps like Match, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, eHarmony, and even hookup sites like Adultfriendfinder.
- Don’t message me if you voted for Trump
- MAGA2024
- No Trumpers
- Make America Florida Again
- #BLM, #ALM, #ACAB, #FreePalestine, #FreeTheHostages, #SlavaUkraine
For 99% of people, seeing these in a profile is a sign that you should run in the opposite direction. Exclamations like this are a sign that you are going to be dealing with someone who is going to constantly want to talk (and argue) about their chosen cause. Even if you agree with them, it can be exhausting.
How to talk about politics in your profile
Now that we’ve talked about what a big minefield politics can be in your dating profile, let’s talk about letting people know about your political beliefs in a way that doesn’t set off red flags or make potential matches think that you are an ideologue instead of someone who has an ideology.
- Don’t make it the first thing you talk about in your profile. Never start a new conversation with politics. It is aggressive and off-putting. Give people a chance to know you through the things that make you happy before you bring up things that might be contentious
- Avoid exclamations and hashtags. They are confrontational and can appear insincere. When someone sees a #cause in your profile, they give it the same cynical eye-roll that they give to when they see #thoughtsandprayers on someone’s Facebook profile after a tragedy
- Avoid overtly political clothing in your profile photos. I’m not talking about clothes that signify a religion or something like a Pride shirt. I’m talking about clothing with slogans that are specifically tied to political campaigns
- Give context to your beliefs. Instead of just telling someone that you are a Democrat or Republican, or saying that you are Conservative or Liberal, give an example in your life that that shows it in action. Maybe there is a certain cause you donate time to, or maybe you got to meet a candidate, and it was a great experience for you. When someone reads about your experiences, they don’t need to be told what you believe.
Conclusion
In the end, politics are not going anywhere, and there’s a good chance that the divide between some people is only going to get further apart before it starts to heal. You may be asking yourself, is dating someone with different political views possible? However, that doesn’t have to stop you from looking for and finding love through online dating. As long as you know which red flags to look out for, how to make sure you aren’t planting any red flags yourself, and keep an open mind, there are millions of potential matches just a click away. If you want to make sure that your profile isn’t setting off red flags, let us give you a free profile assessment. Or, give me a call at 888-447-7634 ext 1. I’m happy to review your profile for you and go over any questions or concerns you have about online dating.
It’s not just about getting first dates. A well-written dating profile is the key to finding the kinds of connections that lead to tenth dates and lifetimes together.
